Chronicles of one Mrs Robinson
by Casophia
Summary: The full story on how Elena became Mrs. Robinson. The story behind the demon. They all have one. What's hers? Read and find out!
1. Farewell daddy

**_This will be a story about Elena and how she ended becoming the bitch troll in the original FSOG!_**

**_I have quite conflicting feelings when it comes to her. She always intrigued me and I just thought it would be interesting finding out how a little girl grew up to become such a dark and twisted woman!_**

**_The story will be about her, even though some of the characters we love so much show up to make an appearance, she will be the heart of the story!_**

**_I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think! ;)_**

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***I own the storyline and the characters I created for this alternative story. Everything else belongs to E.L. James***

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"Daddy...Daddy wake up!"

Hun? Why is daddy sleeping already? And why isn't daddy waking up? I touch his face and he's so cold, too cold! He's always warm, and that's why I love to curl up in his lap so he can read for me and keep me warm and cosy...but he's not waking up now.

I jump on the bed and shake him but he's still sleeping...maybe he's just tired. He works a lot, mommy is always saying he works too much.

Where is mommy? She's always in bed with daddy when he is...Maybe mommy can wake daddy up and we can read my story. I call out for mommy. I don't like to yell but I'm tired and I don't want to go after her now.

"Mommy? Mommy! Where are you?"

I'm getting scared, daddy is still sleeping and he's not waking up. He always wakes up when I call him, he always wakes up and puts me next to him in bed so we can read together...but he's not waking up...and mommy isn't here! Where is she?

I call for her but she doesn't come...I'm scared! I feel cold and I can't go to daddy because he's so cold too...I want daddy...and mommy! Are they angry with me? I don't know what's going on...

"Mommy! Daddy! I'm scared! Please!"

I yell but nobody says anything, so I start crying. I'm so scared I don't know what to do! I run out of daddy's room and I go search the whole house for mommy, but she's not here!

Where is she? I feel all alone because she's not here and daddy isn't waking up! What do I do? I don't want to be alone! Maybe I go back to daddy and wait for him to wake up! yeah, I'll do that!

I'm in daddy's room. He's still sleeping. I see his phone next to the bed and I run for it. I'll call mommy! Then she'll come back home and wake daddy up and we'll read the story and everything will be ok. Yeah, that's it! I call mommy and she'll come!

"Mommy! Mommy it's me Wena"

"Elena? Why are you calling me? Where's your dad?"

"He's sleeping! I tried to wake daddy but he's still sleeping! Mommy I'm scared! Daddy's so cold! And he always wakes up when I call him! But not this time! Can you come home mommy?"

"Ok baby calm down! Mommy is coming home in a minute! Stay with dad, I'll be there as soon as I can ok? Don't worry, daddy is just tired. Don't worry honey. I'll be right there"

"Ok mommy! Hurry up please!"

Ok mommy is coming! I just have to wait. I'll stay next to daddy. He's still cold but I get under the blankets and just snuggle close to him. I try to warm him up, he's too cold. I don't like him this cold. I love daddy, he's the best daddy in the whole wide world! He's so good to me and I love him sooo much! But I'm scared he's still sleeping! This is so weird...I get closer to daddy and hug him so he knows I'm here. He doesn't move but I keep hugging him. I love him so much! He's so funny and good to me. I just love him! So much!

"...? Where are you sweetie?"

"I'm with daddy. He's sleeping!"

Mommy! Mommy's here!

"Get up sweetie. Let me check on daddy ok?"

Mommy seems worried...

"O-Ok mommy."

I jump out of the bed like a good girl and let mommy see daddy. She doesn't seem happy. She looks sad now...But why?

"Ahh! OMG! NO! OMG! Ok. Ok. Honey, I need you to go to your room ok? Mommy needs to take care of daddy, he's sick right now. Can you do that?"

She scared me with her yelling. I don't like yelling, I always cry when they yell at me. So I don't make them mad may times so I don't get yelled at. I'm a good girl. Mommy always says that. I love mommy too.

"Honey, go to your room please ok? Be a good girl and do what mommy's asking ok?"

She's crying. Why is mommy crying? I don't like to see her crying, makes me sad. So I do what I always do when she's crying, I give a big hug.

"Mommy you're crying. Don't cry. I'm here"

"Oh honey. I love you so much. I'm not crying, I'm ok. Trust mommy. Just go to your room and stay there ok? I'll be there in a minute. Go on sweetie"

I do as mommy says after giving her a big kiss on her cheek. I don't want to upset mommy. She looks sad already. I'm really confused. Mommy was crying I know she was. But I don't want to upset her. I'll just be a good girl and wait for her in my room. Yes, I'll be a good girl and wait for mommy to come in. Or daddy. Daddy would be better because I really want to read him a story! I love daddy! So much!

I stay in my room for a long time. I'm getting sleepy. And I haven't read my bedtime story yet because daddy hasn't ome to read it with me. I want to find him and ask him to read the story but mommy told me to stay in the room. She said she would come in a minute but it has been a lot of minutes and she still hasn't come.

I hear the door bell. Who could that be? It's really late and mommy and daddy don't really get visitors this late. I want to tak a peek and see who's ringing the bell but I don't want to upset mommy. But I'm really curious. Maybe if I keep really quiet she won't listen to me and know I'm sneaking around. Yeah, I'll be quiet as a little mouse.

I walk to my parent's room, trying not to make a sound, and when I see people going into the room I stop. I hide behind the big plant we have near their room and just watch. I never saw these people before. What are they doing here? And why are they in my parent's room now? It's late and we should be sleeping!

I want to know what's going on so I stop hiding and just go into their room. I hope mommy doesn't get mad at me. I'm just worried. And a little scared.

I'm so tiny and so quiet nobody notices I'm in the room. They're talking and my mommy is crying very loud and it's making me want to cry too.

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Smith. Your husband is dead. We'll have to do an autopsy to be sure what exactly happened. I'm sorry for your loss mam, I really am."

What? Who's dead? Her husband? But...That's daddy, my daddy. He's not dead. That woman is silly. He's just sleeping. He'll wake up in the morning and everything will be fine. But mommy is crying. She believes that woman? I get mad at that woman for making mommy cried!

"Why are you saying that? You're making mommy cry! Daddy is just sleeping! Stop being so mean to mommy!"

"Honey, what are you doing here? I told you to stay in the room"

"I'm sorry mommy. I stayed there but you took so long. And then I heard the door bell and these people comming in. I wanted to know what was going on. It's really late mommy, we should be sleeping. Daddy is already sleeping, so we should be sleeping too. You have work tomorrow and I have to go to school. Can we just go to bed and sleep?"

"Oh honey. Oh sweetie. I'm so sorry. Come with mommy, I need to tell you something ok? Come on, let's go to your room"

Mommy takes my hand and tells the people in the room she won't be long so they should wait for her. Why? They should leave. It's late and we have to sleep. I don't get it but I stay quiet. I don't want to upset mommy, she was crying before because of what that mean woman said.

"Honey, I need to tell you something but I need to be a good girl and stay calm ok? This is going to be hard but we'll get through this. You have mommy and I have you right? We love each other right?"

"Of course mommy. I love you so much! And daddy! I love you both so much!"

"Oh honey. Omg, I'm so sorry. I hoped I would never have to tell you this. Never. I'm really sorry honey. But daddy isn't sleeping anymore. Daddy died honey. He died in his sleep. He won't wake up anymore. He's gone sweetheart. I'm so sorry"

What? What is she talking about? That's what the mean woman said! Why is she being mean too? She loves daddy! And she loves me! Why would she say this to hurt me? I want to cry! Mommy is being mean! Daddy didn't die!

"Mommy, daddy's just sleeping! He's just tired from working too much! That's all! He'll wake up and we'll just have a nice breakfast like always. And he'll drive me to school like he always do and I'll kiss him goodbye like I always do. Daddy is just sleeping. He can't die because he's my daddy and he'll live forever. He said so. That mean woman was lying. Don't be sad. He's ok, he'll wake up tomorrow and everything we'll be ok. Don't listen to her. She's just being silly! Daddy would never leave us. He promised to stay with us forever. And daddy always keeps his promises. Always!"

Mommy just stares at me and says nothing. And then she just grabs me and hugs me so tight I can't breathe. And then she starts crying again. No, I made mommy cry! No no no mommy stop! I don't want her to be sad! I love her! And daddy! I'm a good girl! I don't make them sad! No!

"Mommy stop crying! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry! Please mommy!"

"Oh Sweetie. I'm crying because I'm heartbroken. It's not your fault. You're just too young to understand and I'm so sorry you have to go through this now. You loved daddy so much. I'm so sorry sweetie. I'm so sorry"

"I love daddy. Why are you sorry mommy? You did nothing wrong! That woman was lying and that is wrong! You should go there and ask her to leave! We have to go to bed and sleep or we'll be late tomorrow morning! Come on mommy, let's go tell them to leave"

"Sweetie. I need you to listen to me ok?"

"Ok mommy."

"Daddy isn't sleeping. Daddy is dead. He's not waking up. He won't ever wake up again. I know it will be harf for you to believe it. I'm so sorry we have to do this. But I need you to see it. You need to see it to believe. Come on honey"

Mommy takes my hand and we're walking back to their room. Why is she saying this? It's making me sad! And mad! Mommy is being mean and I don't like it! I'll tell dad when he wakes up, he has to know! I hate it when people are mean!

"Sweetie, there's daddy. Now you know that when people are sleeping or awake they always breathe right?"

I nod, but say nothing. I'm mad at her for doing this to me.

"Ok. Come here sweetie. Can you see daddy breathing? Put your hand on his chest? Do you feel his heart beating?"

I do as she says but I don't feel it. He's cold, and his heart is not beating. I put my ear next to his chest so I can hear better but I hear nothing. I put a finger under his nose to feel his breathing but there's nothing there...

Daddy isn't breathing. And his heart isn't beating...But that means...That he's not sleeping...Daddy is dead...No. No. No. No. Daddy can't be dead...I can't think it. No! He's my daddy! Mine! My daddy will never die! He promised! Oh no! He promised! He always keeps his promises! Always! No, please god no! I love daddy, I need daddy! I want daddy! Now! I want him to wake up right now!

"Daddy, wake up! Stop sleeping and wake up! Please daddy! Please! I need you daddy! Don't leave me! You promised! You promised you would be my daddy forever! I would be your little bumblebee forever remember? Daddy! Wake up! I love you daddy please! Wake up! Don't leave me! Please! DADDY!"

I'm crying and yelling and slapping daddy! I just want him to wake up! I slap him because that would make him mad but at least he would wake up and ground me! But he's sleeping. And his heart isn't beating. And he's not breathing. And he's cold, so very cold. Daddy's dead. My daddy is dead. My daddy is gone. And I love him so much. He's gone...

"Sweetie, come here. I'm so sorry. But you had to see it. We have to let daddy go. We have to say goodbye to him. He's in a better place now. And someday we'll meet him there. He will be waiting for us and we'll be together again. All of us. Ok? I'm so sorry honey. We have to be strong now. For daddy. He would have wanted us to be strong."

"Ok mommy."

Mommy is right. I'm sad, so sad. I never felt like this before but mommy is right. Daddy wouldn't want us to be sad. He hated seeing me cry, or mommy. He always said it broke his heart when he did. His heart is not beating anymore but I don't want to break it anyway. I love daddy so I'll be a good girl. I'll make him proud of me. I'll help mommy and be a good girl. For daddy. I'll be the best bumblebee he could ever wish for. I'll make him proud of me. And I will always love him. He will always be my daddy. And I will miss him forever.

"Can you say goodbye to daddy? You can tell him anything you want. He will listen to everything you say and when we get to see him again he will remember everything and you'll be happy. Be strong honey. Mommy is right here"

I don't want to say goodbye. If we're going to see him again why do I have to say goodbye? I hate goodbyes. They make me sad and I don't want to be sad. I'm already sad. I want to be strong for daddy. And for mommy. She's still crying and she's holding me so tight. I don't mind. She's sad too. And I love her. I know she needs me to be a strong girl. So I'll do it. For her. And for daddy.

"Goodbye daddy. I love you. I will always love you. You'll always be my daddy. And I forgive you for leaving me when you promised you wouldn't. I love you daddy. So I forgive you. And don't worry. I'll take care of mommy. I know you would want to me to do it so I will. We'll be strong and we'll never forget you. I love you daddy"

Now I'm crying, and my mom is crying too. She's hugging me, stroking my hair and kissing my head. Daddy is gone. I'm so sad. I can't stop crying. I love daddy so much. I'll never forget him. Never.

"I'm so sorry. But we have to go now. I'm really sorry"

The mean woman is talking now and she's taking daddy away! No! Stop! Don't take daddy away! He's my daddy! He has to stay here, with me and mommy! No!

"No! He's my daddy! DON'T TAKE HIM AWAY! DADDY!"

"Honey, they have to. They have to take care of daddy. Please honey. It's ok. Let it go. Come here. Hug mommy"

I keep looking at the mean woman taking daddy away! Mommy is holding me and I can't reach daddy! He's leaving! No! Daddy! He's leaving and mommy is letting him go! Why? Mommy loves him, I know she does! Daddy can't leave! If he leaves he'll never come back! Please, daddy stay! I love you!

"It's ok sweetheart. I know. I know. It's to painful. I know honey. Time will heal us. Trust mommy. It's ok sweetie. Mommy's here. I love you so much honey"

I look to mommy because the people are gone and they took daddy. They took my daddy from me. I'm so sad! My heart is so tight I can breathe. I just stay there, hugging mommy and crying. My daddy is gone. He's dead. He will never read another story with me. He will never wake me up on a Sunday morning with tickles and kisses on my neck. He will never take me to see the monkeys in the zoo.

He will never call me his little bumblebee anymore. He will never kiss me, hug me, yell at me, look at me or tell me he loves me anymore. He's gone. My daddy is gone. And my heart is hurting so much I close my eyes and just cry.

I love you daddy, I always will. Goodbye daddy.


	2. The last goodbye

***I own the storyline and the characters I created for this alternative story. Everything else belongs to E.L. James***

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"You look beautiful sweetie. Daddy loved to see you in that dress."

"I know mommy. He called me a beautiful angel everytime I wore it."

"Are you ready honey? I know it will be hard to see daddy again but we have to do this. For daddy ok? Mommy won't let go of you the whole time. I promise"

I am so sad. And tired. I just want to go back to bed and forget everything. Daddy's gone. My daddy. And I miss him so much already. I missed him the whole night. I never went to bed without a kiss from him and a bedtime story. It's bad. I don't like it. I feel alone. And so sad. But I have to be strong. For mommy. That's what daddy would want.

"Yes mommy. I'll be good I promise."

"I know you will sweetheart. You are my beautiful girl. I love you very much. Come on. We have to go now."

Mommy grabs my hand and we walk out of our house. I'm going to see daddy again. But it makes me very sad. He won't tell me I look beautiful or pick me up and kiss me a few times. He won't hold my hand and tell me he loves me. He's gone. And I'm sad. So sad.

The whole car ride, mommy says nothing. She just stares outside the window and keeps holding my hand. I can see tears on her face. She's crying. Mommy is sad too. She looks sad.

And she's wearing black. She never wears black. She always wears a lot of colors and I love that. She looks so beautiful when she wears pink, and red, and blue, and purple and white, and yellow and orange. But she's wearing black. I don't like it.

The car stops and mommy looks at me. I guess we're here. I'm not ready. I don't want to go. I don't want to see daddy. He won't wake up. I don't want to say goodbye to him again. I can't. My chest hurts. I don't want to go!

But when I look at mommy, she's smiling at me. Not much, just a little. She's still crying. I don't want her to be sad. I don't want to make her cry more. I have to be a big girl and do this. I need to help mommy. She needs me. I have to be a good girl and help.

So I smile back at her and squeze her hand. She's a little cold so I try to warm her up lilke daddy did to me. I miss him so much.

"Come on mommy. We can do this. For daddy"

"Yes sweetie. For daddy"

She opens her door and I leave the car after her, holding her hand. She never lets go. Me neither. We're holding each others hands and nobody will make us let go.

We walk inside a building. I think it's a church. It looks like a church, with the benches and crosses everywhere. And in the middle of the church there's a big box. There's flowers all around the box and candles. And people are going close to the box and they're crying and talking. I want to see the box, everyone's seeing it so I want to see it.

"Ok honey. Be strong. Mommy loves you ok?"

"Ok mommy."

She squeezes my hand and never letting go, walks with me over to the box. Everyone is talking to her now, saying they're really sorry and giving her kisses. They do that to me too but I don't care. I don't know these people, not all of them anyway.

Some are family but the others I don't know. I don't like to talk to strangers. So I squeeze my mommy's hand to let her know I'm scared.

She looks at me and smiles. That conforts me. Wr get to the big box and when I peek in I see him. It's daddy. Oh no! I don't want to see him. Not like this! I love him so much! I don't want to say goodbye again!

"It's ok sweetie. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. Daddy knows you love him and he loves you. No matter what. He always will"

"I miss him so much *snif* He should be here. *snif* I want him here mommy! I love him so much!"

"I know honey. I know. I miss him too. So much. But we have to be strong. He would want us to be strong. Ok? Can you do that? For daddy?"

Yes. For daddy. I will be strong for him. Just for him. I love him.

"Yes. For daddy. I want to make him proud"

"He always will be proud of you. Always"

I smile at mom and with her help, kiss daddy on the cheek. He's so cold. And his skin looks weird. I don't care though. I love him and I always will.

I say goodbye to him again and grab mommy's hand. We walk away from daddy and sit in front of him. Someone starts to talk but I don't care. I think about daddy and I miss him. I will always miss him. So much.

"Come on sweetie. It's time to go."

"Ok"

It's all I can say. I feel weird. I don't feel like talking. But I can't cry either. I feel like one of those crazy people you see in movies. Sitting alone, saying nothing and just staring at the floor. Yes, that's me. I feel crazy. I feel alone. And I feel cold. I miss daddy.

We walk outside, holding hands the whole time. After a few minutes we're in a garden filled with stones, like those you see on that big thing called stonehence or stonehenge or something like that. But these stones are smaller. And they have flowers next to them. It's nice. But feels weird.

After a while we stop and there's a big hole in front of us. And then they bring daddy. The big box is closed but I know it's him. I memorized the colors and stuff on the big box. Why are they bringing daddy here? That's weird...

"Ok honey. Be strong. Mommy's here. It will be ok"

Why is mommy saying that again? I said I would be a good girl and I am.

And then they start lowering the big box into the hole. Oh no...daddy! They're putting daddy in a hole! No! That's not ok! Why are they doing that! Daddy will feel so lonely! I don't daddy to cry or feel alone! No! No! Stop!

"Mommy! Make them stop! Daddy doesn't like to be alone! And he hates to gert dirty! Please mommy make them stop!"

"It's ok sweetie. Daddy is going to rest here. He will be ok. Don't worry. This is how it's suppose to happen. When people die they get buried. It's life sweetie. Don't cry. Daddy is ok"

I'm crying. I feel nervous! I don't daddy there! But mommy said it's ok so what should I do...I cry. I squeeze mommy's hand really hard and I cry. I miss him. And now he's gone. He's being covered with dirt and I don't like that.

I can't look anymore. I hug mommy and turn away from that. I miss daddy so much. I don't want to see him gone like that. It hurts too much. Oh daddy, I love you so much. I just wanted you here. I miss you. I'll always miss you. And I'll always be your little bumblebee...


	3. Loving without a heart

***I own the storyline and the characters I created for this alternative story. Everything else belongs to E.L. James***

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Whenever I feet sad about my life or the way my day is going, I think about that horrible day. I was six years old and I had to watch someone bury my dad, while I squeezed the life out of my mother's hand. I immediately feel better because I know I will never feel hurt like that again. It was the worse day of my life and makes my heart bleed every time I go back to that heartbreaking moment!

And I still miss him. I will always miss my father. Always! No one will ever replace him! My daddy is irreplaceable and unforgettable. And I love him. Forever.

"Elena, what are you doing staring at the ceiling? You're not even dressed! Why do you do this every time we have Stan coming over?"

Oh Stan, or more formally, Stanley Harrington. The very wealthy and single 30 years old man who is currently interested in my mother. I don't like him. He is too formal and too uncomfortable to be around. He always speaks in a weird tone, like he wis better than everyone else and loves to make sure we all know it. I hate that and I dislike him to the bone!

But my mother is clearly into him. He has been to our house a few times, having dinner, and what not. I love my mother dearly and I know she must be lonely. I just hope she won't end up with someone like him. In fact, I know she won't. I won't allow it.

He is a stuck up snob that cares about nothing else than his own fortune and appearance. I swear, every time he passes through a mirrored surface, he just has to stop, look and enjoy himself. He is incredibly self-centered. I feel puke coming to my mouth whenever he speaks or breathes. He is a jerk and I hate him!

"He's coming to see you not me. He wouldn't even notice I'm not there. I rather go have a bite with my friends."

"Nonsense! He adores you! He's always saying what a beautiful woman you're growing up to be. He likes you Elena and I won't have you acting childish around him. Now get ready and fast, he'll be here anytime now."

Right! I forget about that. I caught him staring at me a couple of times, like a man stares at a hot woman. It creeps me out and only entices me to get him out of my mother's life faster!

One day I am just stepping out of our swimming pool and I notice him leaning against the glass door, staring and stroking his chin, like a villain from the movies I love watching. He makes me very squeamish and I don't like it. His eyes are dark and full of lust, and they gross me out. He's a sleaze ball!

I know my body no longer resembles one of a little girl, but having him look at me like that makes my stomach clench so tight I want to vomit in his repugnant face. His attention is unwanted and inappropriate and I make sure he gets it every time he does look at me. I stare him down so harshly he always looks away, awkwardly.

Unfortunately, my mother knows nothing about this. I purposely keep her in the dark. I don't want to hurt her. She has already lost the love of her life, and if it's up to me, this man will never hurt her.

"Elena! Hurry up!"

My mother's yelling for me to get ready, probably because the jerk is arriving soon.

I exhale deeply and prepare myself for a dull night, filled with arrogant attitude and useless conversation. I purposely dress myself in a way I know he won't resist to gawk at.

I pick a black sleeveless knee-length dress, with not much cleavage because the attention will be all in the open back and the discreet but sexy slit on my right thigh. I know he will love this and I can't wait to make him regret ever fooling my mother!

I arrange my hair and make up, keeping it casual and soft. I step outside of my room and immediately feel his gut wrenching smell defiling my home. His cologne is utterly disgusting. And his sense of fashion is equally ridiculous given his large fortune.

The man might be immensely rich, but that doesn't keep him from looking and smelling like a complete fool. I guess money can't buy everything...

"Elena, there you are! Stan was just asking about you!"

My poor mother is actually excited for him noticing my absence. If only did she know what he was actually missing...

"I apologize for the delay. I'm feeling a little under the weather all of a sudden"

I keep my gaze on his face, making him extremely uncomfortable. But I can tell he's secretly drinking me in. He is truly a disgusting man! But I won't let him go any further, that is a promise! My mother deserves better than a low life pretending to be a prince charming!

"I'm so sorry to hear that my dear. Perhaps I should come back another night when you're feeling better. I wouldn't want to impose my presence any further"

You'd like that wouldn't you?

"Nonsense! She's fine! Right sweetheart?"

My mother's pleading with her eyes...what she sees in this man I do not know. Maybe she's just really lonely. But my god! Is he the only man on earth that she can feel interested in? The man is a stinking joke! A vulgarly dressed, foul-smelling, nasty willed excuse of a man!

"Of course mother. I'll be delighted to join you for dinner"

Again, I stare him down. I learned very early that I can stare anyone down with ease. I always win. Always.

We take a seat at the dining table, lovely decorated by my mother. She's an exquisite woman and I hate seeing her go to such extremes to please a man as sickening as him. He has to go. And fast!

The entire dinner goes by, without a hitch. I know I have to end my mother's ridiculous infatuation , but I also know it will take a lot of clear evidence and rational thinking to make my mother give up on him.

I have a plan, but it will take some time and patience to meet my goals. He's a goner, there's no doubt of that in my mind!

"Would you like a drink?"

My mother asks him. He nods and then she's gone, fetching a scotch for him and a glass of white wine for her. Her drink of choice. I'm left alone with him. Time to put step 1 in motion.

"So Stan, what are we going to do about your inappropriate behaviour?"

I can see he's taken by surprise has he takes a small step away from me. He's clearly uncomfortable and I love to cause that reaction in him!

"You know exactly what I'm talking about...I know you want me. Do you want to fuck me Stanley? Is that what you want?"

I purr, seductively to him. This man disgusts me to such an extent that I have no problem playing him like a puppet.

"N-No. Of course not! What kind of man would I be if I thought about a little girl like that?"

Good, the little fish has taken the bait.

"A disgusting man that's what you would be. And that's exactly what you are. You don't fool me. And the faster you get real with me, the better this will all be for you"

And my mother walks in, carrying the two glasses, smiling and shining like a beautiful star.

I can't take this any more. Tonight is over for me. My mother allows me to leave, probably wanting to be left alone with the man of her dreams.

Poor woman, she has no idea the kind of monster she's pining for. But I do.

I know exactly who he is and what he craves for. And I'll be damned before I let him taint my mother with his rotten touch. I know too well what the wrong touch can do to someone as pure as my mother.

I once was an innocent little girl, with dreams of a suburban life, with the picket fence and the perfect husband by my side. Those dreams are now a fading reminder in the dark path my life has turned into.

I'm sixteen years old, and I already know more about sex, lust and men that any girl my age should. I also know love and sex are two very different things.

One I have only felt once, for a man I had to bury and grieve. My loving father.

The other is the reason I can read Stanley so well. Sex is my second language. A language I learned too young and too harshly.

But I regret nothing. I always knew I wasn't meant to stay pure and untainted.

The six-year-old little girl died the same day my father did. I will always be his little bumblebee, but I will never be innocent again.

When he died, my heart died with him. And without a heart, one cannot love. Or be loved in return.

The only person I still respect and hold dear in my frozen heart is my mother. She's the only one that loved and grieved my father as much as I did. The only one that knows just how much we lost when he died. But my ability to love anyone stops there.

So I do what I'm good at. I read people as soon as I meet them. That's the main reason I'm so good at Poker. I have never lose to this day. My growing bank account is proof of that.

And the minute I met Stanley, I knew he was no good for my mother. I know his kind too well.

I had suffered in the hands of men like him. I will not let my mother suffer too. I owe my father that much. He loved my mother with all he had and he died loving her.

She deserves to be with someone who cherishes her and cares for her.

Stanley will be gone before getting in my mother's panties, those are reserved for a better man.

Protecting her from men like Stan is my life goal and I'll make sure she stays pure and unharmed as long as I can breathe!


	4. The twisted truth

******This chapter will be hot and mature! Rated M everyone!**

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*******I own the storyline and the characters I created for this alternative story. Everything else belongs to E.L. James***

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_*Meet me in 15 minutes. You won't regret it*_

The message in my phone is enough to snap me out of my dark thoughts. My body trembles with anticipation of what's to come!

Tonight just got a lot more interesting that's for sure!

So I make fast work of ditching the black dress and change into dark skinny jeans and a deep red long-sleeved see-through blouse to go with it. I grab my black leather jacket and my deep red leather bag and exit my room eager to get some release from this dull evening.

Thankfully my house is a two stories house, so I can jump outside my window and not break every bone in my body while doing it. I have done this so may times it's not even a problem anymore!

After 10 minutes walking as fast as I can, I reach my destination. I'm greeted with the most sexy grey eyes I have ever met in my life. This is going to be a good night...

"Always punctual. One of the many reasons I keep you around. Come on in"

I nod at the beautiful man standing in front of me and enter into his home. The house itself is gorgeous but I could care less about that.

The real treat is the man now standing in front of me and looking at me, eye-fucking me as he goes.

His eyes are the most perfect tone of grey I have ever seen before. But that's not all. His face is as beautiful as his eyes, flawless and irresistible. But his impressive body is what makes me go. Every muscle perfectly toned, worked out to the bone.

There's not a hint of fat on his body and I can't help but lick mt lips at the thought of him on top of me. Controlling me and my body to do as he wishes. I salivate at the mere thought of it.

If I had a heart I would say this is love. But my mind knows better. This is nothing more than sex. Completely raw, no boundaries, mind shattering, body exhausting, full satisfying sex. And I'm going to enjoy every second of it!

"You look absolutely ravishing tonight. What shall I do with you.."

The tone of his voice almost makes me come on the spot. And to know I look good in his eyes makes me feel even more aroused. I just want to be with him. I want him to touch me, fuck me and take me places I never dreamed going.

"Whatever you want. I'm yours to do as you wish"

My voice is now barely a whisper. He groans. He likes to hear me say I'm totally his. He likes to know my body is completely his, to do as he sees fit. He's a possessive man and I know I would regret it if I provoked that side of him. So I don't. I want him. Only him.

"Only mine?"

He's now softly growling at me. He does this every time he's had a bad day. He needs assurance that he still haves me all to himself. That I'm still the one truly reliable certainty in his life. And I love to appease his mind.

"Always yours. Only yours"

I'm panting now. The way he's looking at me, I can feel my entire body trembling with want and need. I need him. So much!

"You're such a good girl. I'll make sure you get what you need tonight. Don't worry"

And with that he lunges himself into me, kissing me hard and fast, like his life depends on it. I reciprocate, just as fiercely. His tongue is stroking mine, controlling, completely dominating me. And I can feel my body tightening. I know I'm close. He knows it too.

So he stops kissing my lips and starts working my neck. Kissing it, sucking it and biting it. Hard. But that only makes me want him more. His hands are now on my ass and he slaps me, hard again!

And I come loudly, grasping his hair for support. He groans, this time louder and more viciously. He loses no time and picks me up, grabbing my ass and squeezing it tightly. I moan at what has become my favorite kind of foreplay. His hand squeezing my ass! Hmm!

We're in his bed before I know it, and he's stripping me of my clothes, fast and furiously. I know this won't be a gentle fuck. He will fuck me hard and fast. He will make me scream and pant for more. And then he will fuck me even harder, making me lose all sense of time or his hands I come undone. And I can't wait for him to start!

"I'm going to fuck you hard tonight. And then, when you scream my name as loud as you can, I will fuck you harder!"

"Yes! Yes please! I need you to fuck me! Please"

I'm panting so shamelessly it seems pathetic. My need for this man's touch is ridiculous and would probably be considered an addiction. But I could care less. He's what I need right now. Someone to satisfy my needs and not need more in return. Because all I can give is sex. My body I can give, gladly. Everything else is just off-limits.

"I love it when you beg!"

We're both naked at this point and he's hovering over me. I lick my lips again, and that sets him off. He grabs my wrists and pins me against the bed. Without warning he pounds into me, making me gasp for air.

His cock is rock solid and so massive I wince a little at the brutal intrusion. But I'm wet enough to make it bearable and extremely pleasurable. I love rough sex! I can't come as hard any other way...

And then he really starts his assault. With my hands trapped beneath his, he lunges his huge dick in and out of me. Every thrust fucking me harder and faster than the last.

I scream loudly, my hips meeting his every thrust. He growls when I do it so I know he likes it!

"Fuck! You're so wet when I pound you hard! Your pussy loves my dick doesn't it?"

"Yes! Your cock is perfect for my wet cunt! Please, don't stop!"

"Is my cock the only one to fuck your sweet little pussy?"

He growls his words and pounds me hard again. He's still being possessive and jealous? God, this man has serious issues! I'm his! Only his!

"Yes! You're the only one to fuck me! Only you!"

"Fuck yeah I'm the only one! If I find out you're lying, you'll regret it. Understand?"

Fuck, he pounds me hard again! I'm going to come soon!

"Y-Yes! I understand! Ahhhh"

I come. He's relentless. Pounding me harder and faster, never slowing down. I come again, and again.

"Fuck! You're so wet! Fuck!"

He pounds me again, and with a few faster thrusts he comes inside me, biting my neck as he does. Damn it, he's hot!

"Fuck! Don't move. I'll be back in a minute"

"Ok"

I know we're not done yet. He's not done with me yet. And this part is what I've wanted for days.

"You've been a good girl. I know you've wanted this so I won't keep you waiting longer. Don't come. If you do I won't fuck you again. And you know you're already missing my thick cock inside you. Understand?"

"Y-Yes! I understand! Please!"

"I do love it when you beg! Get up! Show me your perfect little ass"

I do as he says. I'm already panting with need for his rough touch. I love this part. The reward as he calls it. He knows what I need and he loves to give it to me.

"Your ass is a real treat for me. After I'm done with it, it will be sore for days!"

He slaps me once, to emphasize what he just said. I gasp and I swear I could come just from that slap alone.

He senses my arousing and I hear him licking his lips. He grabs my hair and pulls me against his marble stone chest. I wince. I love it rough! Then he grabs both of my hands and binds them with metal handcuffs. Oh god, I can feel my orgasm building. I can't! I still want him to fuck me again!

"I'm going to slap your fine ass fifteen times. You'll love every slap. If you want me to stop say Red. I will untie you and you'll go home."

"I won't. I won't say it. I'll love it. I promise!"

I'm barely breathing now, just anticipating the damn slapping!

"Good. I love it when you take it all without complaining. My dick gets harder and thicker just hearing you say it."

"Please! Do it! I need it! Please!"

Slap! Damn that was hard. His hand is rubbing my ass after it. Slap! Rub. Slap!. Rub. He does it fifteen times. And I love every slap. Just like he promised!

What kind of fucked up person would enjoy such treatment and actually beg for more?

Oh god, my father would be so ashamed to see me right now...


	5. God won't help you now

**Rated M everyone! Enjoy and let me know what you think! ;)**

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***I own the storyline and the characters I created for this alternative story. Everything else belongs to E.L. James***

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But his little girl is gone now, replaced by a twisted version. Someone eager to be consumed by lust and hurt...

After he's done, he grabs something and starts massaging my behind with some lotion. It's cold and makes it a lot less stinging. Then he unbinds me and turns me to face him.

"Your ass is a beautiful shade of red. I love it like this. And just because you were such a good girl and took it all without complaining you can take control of how we fuck now"

What? Me? In control? That never happened! He's always on top, always dominating me!

But suddenly I want it. I want to be on top! I want to fuck him for a change! I want him beneath me, at my mercy!

"Me in charge? Whatever I want?"

There's a new fire in my eyes, and I know he sees it because he licks his lips and nods at me. He's willing to submit to my will and is actually aroused by it. Damn! This just got way better than I expected!

I waste no time. I push him into the bed and bind his hands to the headboard with the same handcuffs he used on me. He has a bar across the bed that allows me to connect the handcuffs with the bar. He's now securely cuffed to the bed and at my mercy! Oh god! This is hot!

"If you want me to release you, say Red. Then I'll go home and the night will be over."

"I won't. I'm yours to do as you see fit"

The lust in his eyes is just delicious! It only increases my yearn for him and his fucking abilities!

"Good! Now I'm going to suck you off and then I'm going to fuck you with my wet pussy. Don't come before I say. If you do, I will turn you over and slap your sweet ass fifteen times!"

"Do it! Please, just do it!"

Now he's the one panting! Oh I love this! This perfectly sculpted man beneath me and ready to do anything I say. The power is overwhelming and I'm getting drunk for it!

His cock is now rock solid and I can't help but lick my lips. My tongue is on the tip of his dick so fast he gasps for air. I lick his dick and take him in my mouth. All of him. He has a very impressive size and I have to say, I'm curious to know if every man is as well endowed as he is.

Not that I would want any other man, At least not for now. I'm completely satisfied sucking his dick for the time being. I suck him hard and fast, just how he likes it. He moans a couple of times and starts thrusting his hips up so he can meet my mouth and he's now fucking my mouth.

No, this isn't going to work out. I stop sucking him off and press my hands against his hips to keep them in place. I lick him one last time and now I'm straddling him. I rub my wet pussy in his throbbing cock and start going up and down, masturbating myself using his dick. He moans and tries to release his legs but I keep them trapped beneath my hands. I'm in charge now. And I'm loving it!

I can't take this anymore so I slam into his dick, making him scream out as I do!

"Fuck! God damn it!"

I fuck him hard and fast, just how I like it. I can feel my orgasm building so I fasten the pace. This time I allow him to meet my movements and when he does I come undone! I come over and over. His dick is so thick and skilled I can't help it. After my fifth orgasm I allow him to finally come and he does. The feeling of him emptying himself inside of me makes me come once more, violently and loudly.

"Fuck! That was amazing!"

"Yeah. Fuck me. That was awesome!"

No kidding. I push myself off of his dick and his sweaty body and release him from the cuffs.

Damn, this just changed everything. I always loved being controlled and dominated by him. But having him completely defenseless beneath my damp pussy just makes me feel even more aroused!

I want to be in charge! I need to be!

"Now I know why you love to control. It's incredible. And addictive. I don't want to do anything other than control now"

"It's a pretty good feeling yes. But wait a minute. I let you take over once. I won't make this a habit. I'm a dominant man Elena. I'm not cut out to be submissive"

Oh no, I knew this would happen. He's just too much of a control freak to let me have any kind of power over him. But I don't care.

I want it now. I tasted the power and I'm hooked.

"I know. I guess this is over then."

"The hell it is! It's only over when I say it is!"

He's yelling at me and grabbing my arm to keep me in place. I wiggle out of his grip but he pins me against the wall and starts spreading my legs.

"You're mine! I thought you understood that by now! You're not going anywhere! I won't let you go!"

"Let go of me! I don't want this anymore! RED! RED! Let go of me!"

"You can scream Red all you want. I'm not letting you go! Your body is mine to do as I see fit! Now I guess I have to show just how possessive I can be!"

He looks like a feral beast and the way he's spitting the words out scares the crap out of me. But also arouses me! I'm seriously fucked up! I get that now! Here is this man, pinning me against a wall, refusing to let me go, saying he will never let me go and I'm getting wetter by the second!

"Stop! I want to go now! LET ME GO!"

He slaps me so hard across my face I cry out! He never hit me, not on my face! It hurts like hell!

He then holds me in place by choking my neck and carries me into the bed like that.

I fight to breathe but he doesn't care. He's gone somewhere darker and twisted now. No sign of the sexy controlled but respectable man I know.

He's seeing red now, and I'm at his complete mercy.

I'm pretty sure he's going to show me how dark and cruel he can't be.

My mind is screaming! I'm afraid of him! But my cunt is betraying my fears by getting wetter each second... Oh god!

"Your pussy doesn't seem to be scared of me. Maybe you should stop fighting me and accept that I own you"

"NO! I want go go! Please! Let me go!"

I feel like crying, but I don't. I have never cried after burying my father. No pain was as unbearable as that day so I never cried again. I won't cry now either!

"No! You're mine! Now shut up or I'll hit you again and this time I won't go easy on your pretty face!"

Oh god, that was easy? I still feel the sting if his slap on my cheek. Oh god, what is going to happen?

"Now, you seem to be confused about what we are to each other so I'll help you with that. I'm going to show you just how powerful I can be and you'll see just how much your body craves for my control."

His tone is menacing and low, I'm trembling. Mostly because I'm so turned on! God, what's wrong with me!

He binds my hands to the bar on the headboard, using the same handcuffs I used on him before. I'm terrified now and soaking wet between my legs. What a freak you are Elena!

Then he spreads my legs widely and cups my pussy, rubbing it with my juices. He licks his fingers and seems pleased with the effect he's having on me...

Oh god! I couldn't be more vulnerable! And I couldn't be more wet!

He steps outside the room and comes back shortly after, carrying a blindfold in his left hand and something else I recognize but not for the best of reasons in the other. Oh god...

In his right hand is a Studded Leather paddle. That will leave a mark on your ass, no matter how soft the slap may be...Oh god...

"I can see by the look on your eyes you know what this is. Good...Then you know how red your ass will be once I'm done with you"

Again, his tone is so low and dangerous I wince. I'm scared and fucking aroused! This is wrong but I can't stop! I want him to punish me! I need it!

Grining at me, he wastes no time to achieve his purpose. He straps the blidnfold tightly so I can't see anything and turns me around.

I'm now blind, cuffed and utterly helpless...

"I'm going to slap your ass as many times as it takes for you to realize you belong to me and only me. Then I'll fuck your ass and come inside it. If you please me again, I'll release you and let you go home. If not, I'll punish you and you will wish you had never met me!"

Oh god, what have I done?


	6. Reminiscing can do no good

**Rated M everyone! Like always, let me know what you think ;)**

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***I own the storyline and the characters I created for this alternative story. Everything else belongs to E.L. James***

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"Ahhhhh"

The first slap hits me hard. He's not holding anything back that's for sure. I know he'll draw blood if I don't do what he wants.

"Just one little slap and you're already red. Delicious"

His tone is pure malice. And I'm panting for him...what is wrong with me...

"Oh god! "

The second slap becomes a little more bearable. I don't know what's worse. The fact I'm being held against my will or the fact that my body is loving every minute of his sexy torture...

After god knows how many slaps I cry out, giving him what he desperately needs.

"Please stop!| I'm yours! I'm sorry! Please!"

I hear him exhale deeply and the paddle falls to the ground. My heart is pounding in my chest, because I know what's coming next..

"Finally. I thought I was going to have to bleed you for you to realize you belong to me. Now, for the best part. Your perfect little ass needs to be fucked"

And without a warning or a minute to rest, he pounds into me, making me scream out.

"Be quiet. Be a good girl and take it all. You know you want it. I can see you're getting wet"

He's right. I'm turned on. What the fuck is wrong with me!

He pounds into me again, this time, harder. He keeps violating me. That's what he's doing. Right?

I'm being held against my will, forced to endure physical abuse and now he's literally raping me...then why the hell am I wet? Am I a freak? What is going on...

After what feels like hours, he finally comes inside me. And I'm incredibly ashamed to say, I came twice before he did. The thought alone makes me want to vomit...there has to be something seriously wrong for me to actually enjoy being treated this way.

"Good. Now that's how you take a good fuck. I'll let you go now. But remember. You are mine"

He whispers the words in my ears and I shiver. The thought of seeing him again conflicts me.

I know now he's dangerous. But deep down, in the darkest part of my damaged soul I want him. He can make me feel things no one else can. And that scares the hell out of me...

He releases me from the cuffs and walks out of the room, leaving me to lick my wounds...If only I could...

I get dressed, as fast a I can. My ass is in so much pain I can't imagine seating down for the next few days. This is going to be tough to explain if my mother finds out.

"I'll be out of town until next Friday. I want to see you when I get back"

He says, walking into the room again, dressed in his silk pajama pants. He wants to see me. It's not a request. It's a fact. I wonder what he'd do if I disobeyed him...maybe I'll do it.

He's not good for me anyway...or maybe it's just my dark subconscious looking to get me punished again...

The walk back home is long and painful. The fabric rubbing against my bruised ass is causing excruciating pain. I can't wait to get home, take a long warm bath and massage some aloe lotion to my behind...

"Where the hell were you Elena?"

Oh good, my mom is up. And apparently, pissed at me for sneaking out. If only I knew what tonight would bring my way, I might have stayed home...or not...

"Sorry mom. I went out to get some fresh air...I guess I lost track of time"

I try to sound sincerely apologetical and she buys it. My mom loves me too much to punish me. Ever.

I guess she's compensating for being a single parent. Sometimes I think she beats herself up too much. It wasn't her fault my dad died. Bad things happen all the time...

I walk up to my room and strip entirely. I take a good look in the mirror and my ass is beyond red. It's starting to look blue. Oh god, this is going to hurt for days!

The bath soothes my burning skin a little, but not too much. After the warm bath, I massage some aloe vera lotion and it hurts even to touch my ass, let alone rub it with the damn thing...

After I'm done taking care of my behind, I get dressed in my pajamas and lay on the bed...

I can't fall asleep. Tonight was a real wake up call. I knew I was screwed up. I just had no idea how dark my soul had become.

I mean, I actually enjoyed being treated like a common slave. He slapped me, cuffed me, blinded me and raped me. And I liked it. I cam twice for gods sake! What the hell is going on with me?

* * *

"So after that night, did you go back to the man abusing you?"

The freaking psychiatrist was starting to get on my nerves! I had gone to therapy for years now. But I saw no real reason for it. It didn't help one bit reminiscing about my past. It was too dark, to cruel and savage to think about.

"Yes, I did"

"Why?"

"Because at that time in my life, I thought that was what I needed"

"And you never tried to have a normal relationship with a boy your own age?"

Oh please, what a ridiculous thought! Boys my age had no idea how to please a woman! 3 minutes and they were done. That wasn't enough for me...

"No"

"Why not?"

This guy is pushing it...

"Because no guy my age could satisfy my needs. They were too young and inexperienced"

"And the man satisfied you?"

"Yes"

"By beating you and raping you?"

"I was young. I thought he was just a very self-confident man that knew exactly what he wanted. That turned me on. As for the beating and raping, I was confused about it."

"So why not cut him off? Why endure the abuse?"

Oh here we go...

"He was a very powerful man. If he wanted me, he would have me. One way or another. I chose to give myself to him. When I gave myself to him, he would pleasure me and not punish me."

"So you submitted yourself to his will because you were afraid to be punish if you didn't?"

"That's what I said..."

"I know Elena. I see you're getting annoyed. Would you like to stop for a moment?"

"No I'm fine. Let's just get this over with"

"Ok. So, if you did everything he wanted you to do, he wouldn't punish you. Ever?"

"Well, there was the occasional ass slapping. But that I liked and actually craved for. It was sexy and arousing. He never hurt me like that night. It was a one time thing"

"He didn't hurt you again because you never disobeyed him again."

"Yes"

"So when did you end the relationship with that man?"

I knew he was working its way into that...

"I didn't. He got tired of me."

"How so?"

Fuck! What does he want from me?

"What do you mean?"

"You say he got tired of you. In what way?"

"After I turned 18 he said I was too old for him. My body was no longer exciting and the sex was becoming boring and unpleasant for him."

"So you turned 18, you were a legal adult and he discarded you. How did that make you feel?"

Pissed, sad, terrified, alone, lost, broken, piece of shit...take your pick!

"I knew it wouldn't last forever. Besides, he was having sex with someone else. Another little girl, just like I was when I first met him. I guess he liked them young"

I chuckle at the thought. Some might say the man was disgusting. I say he was a visionary. He knew what he liked and what he deeply craved for and he took it. If only I could do that...

"And how did you feel after finding that out?"

"My feelings were irrelevant. I actually met the girl. We had a session together. She was sweet and more innocent than I ever was. He liked that. I could see the desire he had for her. After we were done, I left the house and never looked back"

"Wait a minute. What do you mean a session?"

"We had sex, the three of us. A threesome..."

"And whose idea was it to do that?"

Who the fuck do you think moron?

"His"

"Did he ask or ordered you to do it?"

"He asked. But I knew better than to say no to his requests."

"So he forced you to do it."

"I guess so"

"After you were done, did he sent you out or you left on your own will?"

Does it matter...

"I left. He was busy with the girl. I was done with the whole thing and I left. We never spoke again"

"And what about the girl? Did you have any feelings about leaving her alone with him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she was as young as you were when you met him. That didn't upset you at all?"

"No. She was free to do as she wished"

"Like you were before her?"

Oh well played sir...

"What do you want to know exactly? Did I feel sorry for her? For her impending faith? Yes I did. Did I think about saving her from him? Not really. I met him, the same way she did. I chose to stay with him all that time. I chose to give myself to him completely. He pleasured me and punished me when I deserved. So to summon it up, I left her there because she wasn't my problem. She got herself in the situation, it was her job to get out. Just like I did"

"You left because he got tired of you. If he hadn't, you would probably still be bound to him and his will"

"Maybe..."

"Now when you say you chose to stay with him, you know that wasn't really the case right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you said so yourself. He was a powerful man and you were clearly afraid of him. So leaving him was not an option. Therefore, you stayed. But only because you knew you couldn't escape him. That was not a choice Elena. That was having no other choice. You were trapped"

"Yeah, I guess..."

"Elena, what do you feel when you think about him?"

"Nothing. I don't think about him at all"

"Just for the sake of our session. Think about him for a second. What feeling comes to you immediately?"

"Well...I guess I feel sorry. I wish I could have pleased him longer than I did"

"That's all you feel? Nothing more? No hate, disgust, shame?"

"No. Why would I hate him?"

"Elena, you need to understand that you were a victim. For many reasons. But mainly, because you were a child. You were unable to make safe and rational decisions at that time of your life and he took advantage of that. When he punished you, he stripped you of your free will and moulded you into his own personal slave. That's what you were to him. There was no love, no sentiment behind what he did to you. You were a sex toy he chose to play with every time he wanted to. When he got bored, he threw you out and got a new one. That is the raw unsettling truth about what went on between you two. You were a victim of a pedophile. Nothing was your fault. You were the victim"

Here we go, poor Elena, unable to make good decisions, falls in the arms of a monster and gets abused and raped. Poor Elena, tainted by the cruel touch of a vile man...It was the same speech from every shrink I had seen before.

But they were wrong. I wasn't a victim. I chose to stay with him. He pleased me and treated me right. At least, right to my needs at the time. I wanted him and needed him. I needed his rough touch. I craved for it.

To this day, I still miss him. He was good to me and gave me exactly what I needed back then. He also thought me the importance of knowing what you want and going for it, no matter what everyone else thinks about it.

He thought me control and self-confidence. I will always be grateful for what he did for me. He forged me into what I am today. Now I have full control of my life and my sexual needs, because of him.

He made me into the hard, cold and dominant woman I am today. He showed me the way. My way...

"I'm many things, but victim is definitely not one of them. Never was, never will be. Now if you don't mind, I think we're done for today. Until next time Doctor."

I stand up and walk away from the ridiculous excuse of a shrink gawking at me.

I'm getting seriously tired of this useless sessions. They do nothing for me. And talking about my past makes no sense. What's done its done. No point dwelling on it.

Maybe I should just pull the plug on the whole thing. My life is pretty perfect at this point so therapy is not really a priority.

On the other hand, I do enjoy seeing the poor doc trying to wrap his weak head around my sick past. I enjoy that a lot...


	7. Sweet imagination

***I own the storyline and the characters I created for this alternative story. Everything else belongs to E.L. James***

* * *

"Hi sweetie! So how was your appointment today?"

My mother, god bless her, was a good and honorable woman. But she was clueless to what was being discussed inside Dr. Swanton's office. I had no intention of letting her know the truth of our sessions. She wouldn't understand. It would break her and she would blame herself. I couldn't allow that.

She deserved to be happy. My father's death changed her. Changed both of us, in very different ways. She turned to other men, seeking love and hoping to find her happy ending. Failed and tried again.

Me on the other hand, well…love was definitely not what I was looking for. My black heart couldn't grasp the concept of loving someone and dedicating my life to that person and no one else. I was too damaged, too twisted and broken to allow others to love me.

"It was fine. I think he's really starting to help"

What a big fat lie Elena! You know damn well the sweet Doc has no idea what he's doing. Every time I share a piece of my dark past, I can see him struggling with what to say and eyeing me like I'm a freaking kid in pain.

It's ridiculous and pointless. He can't help me because there's no salvation for what I am, what I've done or continue to do. It's the life I chose, the life that suits me and satisfies me. I'm not ashamed of it.

But the secrecy is necessary. My mother would go insane trying to understand why and who and when and for how long…It's just better to keep her in the dark about my darkness…

Besides, she thinks I'm going to therapy to deal with the death of her last husband. The poor fuck died of a heart attack, leaving her devastated and broken, again. The only reason I accepted to keep up with this charade was because of her.

I still remember the worse fight we had, because of him. She insisted I called him father, to show him I respected him and accepted him as a part of our family. I refused and explained that I already had a father, that died when I was six years old. No one would replace him or even come close to that.

I wanted her to be happy with whomever she desired to share her life, but she would keep me out of it. I needed no father. The one I needed was gone. So there was no point replacing him or pretending someone else could fill his shoes.

That hit a nerve and she walked away, extremely mad and upset with me. I was sick and tired of walking on eggs shells in my own house so I decided to have a talk with him. He of course understood why I refused to call him father and assured me he only wanted us to be happy, nothing more. He loved my mother very much, and me as well. Or so he claimed…

Love was a foreign concept to me. I was a skeptic when it came to love and affection. I preferred honesty and letting your deepest desires shine through. It worked for me so that was my way of living.

After he died, to keep my mother sane and a little happy, I agreed to see a doctor twice a week and talk about my 'feelings' towards his sudden death. Obviously I had none.

He was her husband. Not mine. I felt nothing for him when he was alive. His death was just as emotionless as his life with us.

But a little therapy never hurt anyone. Right? Wrong! As soon as the good doctor realized I was lying about my 'feelings of loss', he decided to dig into my past. In a futile attempt to understand how I could be so cold and detached from a death so close to me.

I had no problem discussing my past, doctor patient confidentiality was a delicious way of sharing my thoughts and desires with someone, without fear of judging or liability. I just didn't count on the Doc's lack of experience in this sort of thing. The poor guy was left wide eyed every time I reminisced about my sexual experiences…

"That's great sweetie. Now go get ready for dinner. The Suttons will be here in an hour"

Oh the Suttons. His family, turned our family now, I guess. My mother was a widow, again. But this time, she had a huge family to take comfort in. I had nothing bad to say about them. But I had nothing good either.

They were normal. A very boring normal little family. Filled with uncles, aunts and cousins that wanted to help us in this very hard time of our lives. They of course had no idea about my lack of sentiment for the man. Better that way. Less questions coming my way.

I hated family dinners, my extreme dislike made worse by the sullen feel to the whole thing. Yes he was dead. Yes my mother was sad and alone again. Yes she loved him. No I don't really care about any of it.

Ugh, and they were so sweet and helpful I wanted to throw up every time they approached me with those worried looks and sympathizing speeches. Everyone had a story about a loss one they loved dearly and how they overcame the pain by simply living the life they would wanted them to live…blah fucking blah!

Who the hell cares? I sure as hell don't! All I want is to go out and have some fun…but no, I have to stay and endure this pity party for my mother's sake. Only for her I would endure such a tedious evening…

"Hey cousin. How you holding up?"

Hmm, my recently acquired sweet cousin Alan. He sure was easy on the eyes, would be a real treat if he wasn't so dull. The things I could show him would rock his world and blow his freaking mind…

Get a grip Elena! He's not your type..or is he…maybe he could be with the right training…I would love to have his fine ass at my mercy..Focus! He's your cousin for fuck sake! Borrowed cousin but still…

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"I probably shouldn't say this but I'm perfectly ok with it. The guy was my uncle but he was also a bit…boring. Borderline annoying. Is that fucked up to say?"

Well well well…sweet cousin Alan isn't so sweet and coring after all. Good to know. He has a mischievous smile on his face and I can feel my panties getting wet thinking about punishing his perfectly little ass for being so inappropriate regarding his dear uncle passing away.

"What are you guys whispering about?"

Before I can applaud him for being so deliciously rude, another cousin walks by and steals the show.

"None of your god damn business little cousin"

Uhh, snap! Alan 1- Cousin what's his face 0!

"Come on Alana, don't be such a nasty girl!"

What an aggravating little thing…

"Call me Alana again and find out just how nasty I can be."

Damn, Sweet Alan just went a lot more darker. I like it…May be better to stop this before it escalades though…

"Boys please, stop fighting! You don't want to draw more attention our way now do you?"

"Oh sweet Elena. Always so proper and lady like. You are absolutely right. Sorry Alan, you know I like to screw around"

His apology is just bogus. This guy is a real prick. How I would love to punish him into an honest apology…

"Whatever. Elena, how about we go get something to drink?"

"I would love to"

"Oh come on guys! These dinners are so freaking boring! I promise I'll behave!"

His puppy god eyes just crack me up. He's such a jackass…

"I don't really think you know what behaving means. But it's fine by me. Elena?"

"Sure. We are all family after all"

I throw my sweetest smile his way and he melts. So easy. Too easy. I love a challenge, and this one would be none of the kind. But Alan on the other hand, would be interesting to see how much in common we truly have…

We make our way into the living room, grab some drinks and walk outside to catch some fresh air. I can see my mother is quite content with me mingling and actually socializing with our 'family'. Poor woman, if only she knew what I'm secretly imagining doing to my sweet cousin behind closed doors and soundproof walls…

"Elena! I was looking for you!"

Oh fuck! That screeching voice just makes every hair on the back of my head stand up in attention. I'm trying really hard to keep up with the dinner charade, but I don't know if I'm going to make it if she sticks around long enough…

"Sarah! I thought you weren't coming"

My welcome hug is just as fake as my smile, but her self-centered nature prevents her from seeing just how little I care for her. She is the most self involved, annoying, frustrating little thing I have ever met. Everything is about her, and if it isn't, she finds a way to make it about her. She infuriates me to the core!

Not because she's an attention seeking whore, but because she has no regard for anybody's feelings, and in this case, my mother's suffering. And that I cannot allow. Not in my own home. I will drag her ass out of this house by her fake blond hair if I have to.

"I'm so sorry! I had to go and meet my agent about a photoshoot. I think this might be my big break!"

Oh right, nothing says self-absorbed personality like an aspiring model. She is the cliché in the flesh. Can't get any more selfish than her…

"I'm happy for you. But maybe you should keep that to yourself. At least tonight, everyone is still pretty shaken up about the whole death thing"

Keep it together Elena, you can do it. Control is your life style. This bitch won't crack you. She can't. You're better than that.

"Oh you're right honey, I'm so sorry Elena. Here I am rambling about my life going like I planned and you just lost your father. I'm so sorry! How are you dealing with it? I have to say, I loved that man! He was a saint! I can't believe he's just gone! Just like that! I'm really going to miss him! He was such a good man! And he loved your mom! And I know she loved him too! It's so sad!"

She continues going on and on, caring only for herself and her little speech. Oh I could slap her right now! So hard! The stupid bitch is working my last nerve!

"Sarah, stop! No one cares about what you have to say! Now stop talking about yourself for a fucking second and just let her alone! She has been through enough to have your annoying voice screaming in her ears!"

Wow, prince charming from the darkness Alan comes to my rescue! What a nice guy, defending me…not that I need him too. But I have to say, pretty hot on his part to step up. I think I just might have to show him what we can do together…if he can endure me that is…

"I'm sorry! I didn't notice I was boring you! Maybe I should go and bother someone else!"

"Sounds like a plan!"

Damn, Alan did not like her one bit. And that made me like him even more. Full of surprises he was! With that, the little twat walked away like the brat child she truly was. So annoying!

"That girl can make any person lose its mind! Sorry about that."

"Please don't apologize, I feel the same way"

I smile at him, completely ignoring the jackass to my left.

"You guys are so mean! I'm gonna see if she needs some comfort poor thing"

Ugh, I could smell the lust on his voice. The guy is panting for the little cunt. Good reddens! The only thing she has going for her are her huge tits anyway. Fake as her smile but still pretty decent looking. Other than that the girl is just fucking annoying to be around!

"You do that! Careful though, you might catch something"

"Jealous cousin?"

"She's all yours! No amount of hotness can make up for such a ridiculous personality"

I chuckle, causing the jackass to leave looking rather pissed at his remark. Hmm, good looks don't mean everything for him…good to know. Not that I am interested but still, good to know.

"That guy is a joke. Being related means nothing to him. I'm so sorry. I bet you're already regretting letting your mom marry my uncle hun?"

Well, he's right. I do regret it. For two reasons. The first and most important one being the fact that my mom is now a widow, again. That is extremely painful to witness and nothing at all what she deserved. The second having something to do with me having to restrain myself from showing my sweet cousin Alan a whole world of infinite pleasure because we are technically related now. Fucked up situation that's what this is…

"No, not at all. There's always a black sheep in every family right?"

"That is very true! Glad to know you're not running off on us. "

On us or on you sweet cousin? I swear I can see something hidden behind those green eyes. I'm just not sure what it is exactly…

"Oh don't worry. I'm not one to give up on family"

Even borrowed family…

"Hum, I'm sorry if this comes out wrong in any way. But I've been thinking about it for a while now. And I have to ask. If we weren't related, do you think we could have something together? You know, like going on a date or something like that?"

Oh…the cat is out of the bag now I guess…And yes, I'm intrigued about him. But the relationship remark throws me off a bit. I'm not the girlfriend type. That kind of life is not for me. Never will be.

"Well, You caught me off guard now…I guess if circumstances were different, we could be involved somehow. But I have to tell you, I don't really do the relationship crap. That's not for me."

"Why not?"

"It just isn't. I don't need it to be happy. That's all"

"Hum, a little weird but ok. Not that I can do anything to change that. We are cousins afterall"

"Well, truth be told, since your uncle died the marriage technically ended. Therefore, any affiliation to your family can be easily severed if my mother marries again. I, for once, am actually hoping that she does. Then perhaps we could explore the possibilities"

"Hmm, exploring sounds perfect to me. And you're right as always, we are only related because of my uncle. With him gone, there goes the connection…"

He's practically eye fucking me right now, making me lick my lips with sweet anticipation. Maybe I'll show him how amazing sex can be after all. He sure seems enthusiast about exploring it with me. I would only be doing us both a favor. God knows I'm not being satisfied with the tool I've been handling lately. I can only train them so far, the rest they have to showcase on their own. And this one is failing miserably…maybe cousin Alan can replace him…

"As much as I enjoy imagining that possibility, I don't think you could actually handle what I have to offer. So maybe we should just drop it and focus on looking as sad as we can"

I can't help but lick my lips again, this time having a vivid image of this hot piece of ass splastered on my bed, being fucked senseless by my expert body...what a good imagination you have Elena...

"This conversation will never be over sweet cousin. Now that I now your feelings mimick mine, I'm more than ready to see what you have to offer. I'm pretty sure I can handle anything you throw my way"

Hmm...what a sweet challenge! I know he has no idea just how much I can offer him, yet the sentiment is very well received. Now I'm seriously considering putting him to the test...

"Elena dear, I was looking for you. Dinner is on the table. Come on"

Damn, ,my mother is a sweet woman, but she sure has the worst timing ever...


End file.
